“Food, Spices, Groceries” you may just think this book would be perfect for finding a new recipe.  I hate to inform you, you may be wrong.  “Crying in H Mart” a memoir released on April 20, 2021 by first-time author, Michelle Zauner. The novel paints is a picture for readers all over the world who have a complicated mother-daughter relationship that was cut short.  “Crying in H Mart” is for every person of color who has faced a struggle with feeling emotion with their mother.  It involves how we ache for verbal praise, not understanding parents show their love in their ways.  Zauner writes in such a way where all of our senses come into play while reading. 

Different Korean foods quickly become the main topic of this book, as Zauner explores connections between food and identity.  With every dish she introduces, we get into another heart-wrenching story.  That search takes on new pressures rising after her mother’s death. In losing her mother, she also loses her strongest connection to Korean culture, a culture she took too long to know.  At a young age, Michelle realized that one way she could get her mother’s approval was by having an amazing appetite.  She started to realize at such a young age, the only time there wasn’t yelling between her and her mother was when there was a bowl of food in front of them.  This book is about the deep connection between food and the love between a mother and her child even through the arguing and hurtful comments. 

 The dishes took away that barrier between the two of them and for a second, everything washes away and both characters feel deeply cared for and loved by each other. The way Michelle approaches the idea of the food she and her mother shared, makes the readers feel like they’re sharing a table with them.  As Michelle grows into a teenager, the gap between her and her mother only widens. She only begins to realize how big of a role her mother had in her life when she was diagnosed with cancer.  Her questions as a teenager start to get answered.  Michelle’s mother could no longer take care of Michelle. Instead Michelle has to take care of her.  As the roles reversed, Michelle finds comfort in cooking traditional Korean food.  It reminded her of her mother, their trips to Seoul, and the bond they shared even if it was a bad one.  She says in a New York Times interview “I can hardly speak Korean, but in H Mart I feel like I’m fluent.”  The base that touches is beyond words.  It’s a bittersweet feeling for the reader, how she realizes that her culture is not a bad thing, and yet it is something so beautiful. 

Yet, I first heard of Michelle from her band, Japanese Breakfast. Started in 2013, this poop indie band had first helped Zauner talk about her problems and her struggles with her mother, and how she dealt with her mother’s death.  In the book, she mentions that her mother never really supported her dreams of becoming a musician because there was no way she’d be able to have a steady income with it.  Michelle ignored it and continued to pursue something that she likes, not something that would make her a much more steady income, and it paid off.   Zauner had mentioned as well that she had met current husband when she was touring, and how after that he joined the band as the bass player, and they got the opportunity to play all over the world together. 

Michelle talks about how, if she had to tell someone about her mother and her battle with cancer, she would do so with a straight face- telling anyone how bad it was to comb her mother’s hair until there were just strands left.  Yet, if she enters an H Mart, and sees children with their mothers grabbing her favorite childhood snacks, she’ll waste no time bursting into tears. It reminds Michelle of a childhood when she remembers feeling loved and accepted by her mother while entering this market.  Now she’ll never be able to feel that ever again.  As time goes by, she realizes that she has to look at life differently every day and realize each day has its aspects that are both beautiful and frustrating.  Life has so much diversity and has so many options, or paths to choose from day to day, just one ingredient or choice can change your whole dish or life…just like H Mart.